At Such a Time as This

This is the latest job offer I have received. Mexico offered me a position. It is truly quite crazy; my life that is. I don't know what the future holds. Do I go to Mexico or Indonesia? Do I turn them down and wait for the Peace Corps? I filled out a long application to teach in Turkey; shall I work there? My head feels like it is full of mud that I need to dig my fingers into so as to find the missing key. I rarely get headaches and I had one today. I get headaches when my life is asymmetrical and I am no longer in control. Let me clarify it once more, When I am not in control of making the Best decision. Oh, I could email Mexico and say I accept, but is this the correct decesion? This perplexes me! I am quite good at forming an opinion, so why is it so hard now? I do believe you can all relate to me. It's a place of limbo where you teeter wondering which way you will fall. It's the same feeling I feel when I am being weighed at the doctors office. As you stand half naked in your gown the lady pushes the huge dial to 100 and then begins flicking the smaller, cold pieces of metal. Then she pushes it too far and has to flick it back a bit. You hold your breath waiting for the balance. And then you step off and it goes, CLUNK! I don't want to choose the wrong thing and go Clunk. It isn't as if I can take a job in Indonesia and have my Dad come and rescue me when I want to come home. I am afraid to fail. This is what it all comes down to, and you know what. I'm going to have to make a decesion. That's part of life, part of the symmetry.